Monday 30 November 2009

where's those photographs showing myself meeting up with hellsongs?

I think I did an interview with hellsongs from somewhere down scandinavia but I can't find anything on my hard disk drive except for this photograph of my self that was taken some days after the show onna obviously sunny morning right after the sickest trip down to some disco that i had ever experienced.

now here's a short but very cool vid of one of most popular covers hellsongs do play - i think you can guess the song very easily. but i have not put it here because it is so illegal to show the title of the song right 'here

know i have to look up on wot frigging harddisk run i have put the actual interview and original documents, but for now i am getting very tired again,
have a nice one, yours haselore

Tuesday 24 November 2009

last train to barfly

dag nasty means exercisin' a field day and that means hanging around with some of the heavyweights like ale krause and here & there making myself a name and an extra coin by keeping an eye on some gear during transport - well, you know how it works... hanging out and talking bollocks... i mean seriously discussing the very nature of true heavy rock!

as well as mr. v. repeatingly playing his flipper records and shouting "don't care anyway, don't listen to what u say, this song rhymes and we'll play it in time! powwwwwww!!!"

because mr. V. thinks that flipper are the key to all that's heavy, as mr. v. of the infamous hier krepiert quartet usually only listens to band like man vs. nature and goldstar - but sometimes he does find his copy of power of expression between the collection of garbage he calls a tight housekeeping! ... and sometimes he has got a clue cause he stated that flipper only were any good before will shatter had his fatal accident with some narcotics he found near the kitchen sink.

which I think is a lot better than an accident by electric guitar cause you don't have to wear rubber boots on stage in order to avoid an accident like this and even worse: you could die with rubber boots on your paws which is not exactly as described in high noon but more like a situation that's looked up on by others as not very cool. with will shatter flipper had this cool hit everybunny knows and that i just cannot stand unless somebun puts it inna live remix together with Timetothink/SAD by those once excellent flag copycats bl'ast (who later turned hawkwind devotees with the help of lots of cool drugs but without kip duvall and an overall production that makes ca. 1981-era the fall sound like fucking soundgarden to your ears.

try to mix these songs down at home, if you have got the necessary equipment and both the albums, but as i would need 2 computers to mix those two tracks (that i do not have at home) i hardly ever play the song...

the atmosphere got heavily loaded: partially due to the relatively cheap alcoholic bevarages from the next DIY shop, partially caused by my loose tongue that cursed mr. v. for the technically inferior quality of his guitar playing and how never changing nor tuning the strings would neither do the group sound any favours nor help to improve it in the long run...

... what gave mr. v. very good reason to generally question the righteousness of my very motives in telling him that he's a shit guitar player - and that he were just trying to get together

Barfly live at J-Day August, 13th 2009 @ cafe glocksee

haselore | MySpace Music Videos

the next barfly (who will be the topic of one of my up and coming posts)
and he was very surprised about my knowledge concerning bands and all that stuff...

but unfortunately i also told him that his musicians were - looking at the long run - to expect a better career and more dosh by playing in my group.
...much better than carrying on ripping off more second rate flipper basslines, some fishwife riffs and stooges beats. ...and i also told him that nobun would want to waste precious space in the rooms where they keep their record collections with product by a technically totally inferior band and that hier krepiert definately would never get a contract from anybun!

in shock he sat still for a couple of moments, but just a tad later he tried to poke me back and this time by - surprisingly enough - trying to hit with some kind of rhythm stick he found and i went duck and cover inna second!

after a few drinks we became good buddys again - but a little bit later i started again, slagging him for his rather boring arrangements on the four strings...

ut he just turned to me and gave me a squaddy's yes mam and he spoke to me "was der scheiss does you eigentlich know, meine liebe frau kohl!?!"

I'd be off for now but here's even more flipper that I could just escape by having the boys watch homer simpson's favourite. and that really put the guys in a purple haze of sweet depression because they will never make it this far - but here i should pass the mic over somebun else: "ladies and gentleman, the hottest band in the world!"

I'll go to bed now and leave you with some kleenex and nevermind that part in nice where there singing about 'em bleedin' pink dogs so and here' s a cut of their 7" backed with some cool live scenes where you can even see marlene marder and her vocals sure sound funny, don't they!

but i think that they were the best band ever to come out of switzerland, at least up to what i know about this country's bands...

yours, haselore

Monday 23 November 2009

the only good punk is a crap one

i got a very cool letter the other day. my mate king einon of avon in the west country, where i come from, wrote in and told me that he had a new band called bullet ridden apart from that other one with with jim who used to play in the afore mentioned ripcord (I#ll spare you all of that my fav bunnies stuff for this time) - and even sent me a demo for review! as in the past there had been serious misunderstanding in communication between my management and afore mentioned king einon developed: when I had them sending my erotic pictures to the king back in august he the king was not very pleased by those wisecracking comments my management made within the very same email they were "attaching" the photograph to and sending it electronically (u now: 1-0-1) over the channel to fishponds.

---Original Message-----
Sent: 06 August 2009 23:58
Subject: Your Photograph of Mrs. Kohl

Dear Mr. E.,
in regard to your correspondence with Mrs. Kohl I am hereby enclosing a picture for your enjoyment.
Mrs. Kohl said she had been already dressed up for bed when she remembered to have a quick photograph made, showing her in a position we think is very popular in the United Kingdom and we hope that you will enjoy very much when looking at it before or while practising sexual intercourse with yourself or with a partner of any gender.
Yours faithfully,

Stefan J. Walter -
Personal Assistant to Mrs. Haselore Kohl -
Looking For Kohl Translation Services Kxxx / Wxxxxx GbR

and the king, you now, he got even more angry when he found out that i had used one of the pictures he had paid me for to do on my own blog back in september- up here. but i hope that all has been cleared now between the parties involved and that there g
ood friends again finally now!

blimey, what an outcry there had been down fishponds! anyways props for sending bullet ridden demo, nice one, martin - and a very good demo as it turned out, i liked it better than the warprayer stuff i got off him. the demo starts off with and reminds you of poison idea (not this one 'ere, but hear the solo) and pops heavy metallic punk in a vein similar to a slower electro hippies (by the way these had jeff walker on bass who later became a forming member of the afore mentioned carcass and watch there best song british profiteers right here though there actually is not a lot to see and hear but what's fucking more important than authenticity or however that fucking word is spelled....).

in bullet ridden's third song i even think that I hear a little influence by maggot slayer overdrive but i am sure einon probably did not get further the corpus vile side of the old split lp, so no accuse of a blatant rip off this time. props to the others in that band teaching the king a proper vocal style that I think sounds so much better than that practised previously.
bottom line bun could write:
this is what a better wolfbrigade could sound like: a real punk band.

so I went up on the royal internet and i must say that i could find the king's homepage very easily cause it looked very good and it had a multidigit number code at the end of its uniform ressource locater, exactly the kind of facts i can remember best.
not good to read though that he was sad, so maybe this little story here will help to cheer him up again!

so here's the questions for the interview king einon made the answers up to, so here we go again... haselore kohl meets king einon inna world full of cider, czech lager and tentropes bun could hang herself up with or just fall over. ...and an interview where she could finally do the questions once the answers were given. ("she" in this case is myself, you moron!)

HK: whose the main cost driver in the band - the bun to get sacked first when the economy is on the decline and to get back in employment last when the economy#s on the rise again??
KE: haha! that's a good question, ooh, that's tricky, well out of all of us I would say chris the guitar player although he might be angry I said that.

HK: would you guys be my backing band for a tour of china, where i was made?
KE: no never, not ever if you slept with us... (looks i will never get back there... hk)

HK: i have heard that your favourite dish after spending a heavy night with totters or any other of the roadies were some rare steak with runny eggs - just the type of shit sid used to have when he was hungover on the pistols US tour. now - if there was any real groupies ever to be - what would you dine on the next morning in her respectively his presence while he respectively she can watch you eating all the food on your own?
KE: A roast egg I think... (now, that's what i call a clever answer to that! bummer!! HK)

HK: how often does - speaking of the band as a collective now - bullet ridden go out on the streets to tell foreigners about poisen idea, the band they think is england's healthiest rock exports product ever except for U2?
KE: at least twice a day. It's just the way bullet ridden are as people. (honestly, i would not have expected this to actually happen more often than once a week, HK)

HK: what
's yer next clever step on the way straight to the very top?
KE: CD record on overground records (these fools did not send me a link, so i could not put one up here on my internet, yours, the smart editoresse)

HK: thanks for your precious time, king. any cool last words you want to direct to all the bunnies really reading this shit here and not just staring at the pictures and looking them up for the really interesting bits?
KE: thank you for the interview

that's king einon - he is sad and he is cool as fish as you can see onna internet. just like solstice are but the king's style it is to lay vocal tracks down to harddisc that sound a bit less doomy than the iron fist of england. and please remember the best demo inna world and that it also was produced in bristol. still that good that i will get back onna topic soon once i have the chance.

and to quote what the rejects wrote for their first album:
"where the hell is babylon, i don't wanna know -
but when i'm finally down for it - it'll be the hell of a good show!!!"

yours haselore

Thursday 19 November 2009

show of strength

livi's a shit place and even carcass came from st. helens, so this leaves the role of the greatest son of the city to rory storm off the hurricanes. and liverpool#s so shit that even their best football club is located onna other, western bank of river mersey

but the best book inna world originally seems to come from liverpool as it is "the manual" by the KLF or the time lords or the JAMs or whatever crap name they would use in the following week. KLF who set a suitcase of cash ablaze onna isle of skye and who got very unhappy a few years later when they had run out of the amount cash they had not burned.
and i am trying to style my music like "the manual" says. but my guitarplayer he is an arse and just won't cut his hair and beard off because he is saying the book don't say anything about hairdos and just that you don't have to know shit about music... .. but it just proves that he nows shit about the music industry!!! anyways if you dunno doctorin the tardis that had the riff to gary glitter's leader of the gang (here's a link, actually to a vid without controversial mr. glitter, but with more hooters in it... plus as a bonus this version is really bad! ....the KLF also had what time is love a song that's even more stupid and even better constructed and you may remember that it was once featured in a fictional play on television with the lyrics dealing with dr. zaius off planet of the apes

the manual will hopefully to make my day by using all the well researched facts about the music business, so if you don't own a copy yet (and you most probably won't unless you are somebun with very generous relatives like my auntie hasgrith is who herself thought it were a very good idea to buy me the german version which is shit now cause i need help reading it and i am not happy with the idea of sharing all the book's precious information with somebun else from jerryland knowing shit about music! so i looked up the internet for an english version and i found it for free, just click right here for a copy!

... and finally the KLF must now how to make a million quid. ... or two. and everybody likes them because the KLF got their stunt with Extreme Noise Terror for 3:00 AM Eternal on TOTP. back inna time when grindcore and death metal had long become really shitty and uninspired thrash - except for the above mentioned carcass who stood the test of time and got better with every record. but ENT were a shit band as well and probably not even in it for the music - at least that's what there records except for that peel session show...
if you want some of the real cool hardcore rather buy (or steal...) some cheap ripcord bootleg cassette like i did I paid it!!!), because it#s less of a waste of time and you have more of a good time. ....and ripcord they got peel sessions too plus very good demo recordings and they had jim whitley on bass whose not only played in cruelty but even cooler is also playing inna band with the sexiest man from wales - a man of honour i have an interview in preparation with, so you better watch out for my up and coming posts!

and all of this does not make 3 AM eternal a better song. and i don't really think the KLF were any better than scumputer are these days.

"the manual" and the success of the KLF, or justified ancients of suck my ass both prove that you neither need lots of lyrics nor good ones - and that you don't need to be chumbawamba to get played onna radio! but still some of the more oldfashioned labels over here still demand "der textblatt" with a demo tape so i will have to think of some cool topics to write some lyrics about!
bill drummond who made up half the KLF was the manager of the teardrop explodes and echo & the bunnymen (and by the way the latter i think owned the second best band name in the world though teardrops were the better and had the better singer as it turned out in the end - but click here as well to hear echo's mccullough perform his now legendary jim morrison rip off vocal style). but drummond thought echos would earn him more cash (and right he was) and spent all his cash on his clothes and the teardrops would not like that, cause thy got no fancy dresses for stage

especially julian cope hated him (as well as his keyboarder who was part of the management) and later recorded the song "bill drummond said" which is is a very good song. like most songs by cope and if you click right here and you can even find the song julian h. cope which also a very good song. and bill drummond himself did the song "julian cope is dead" which is a very bad song - but it got also covered by nelson muntz he who altered the lyrics to "joy to the world, the teacher is dead". I could not find that song, but here's an interview with bill drummond about "how to be a musician". but always keep in mind cope#s much better as a composer and musician than drummond in case should he mention him onna screen!
as for cope himself he has always dressed very uncool not only in the last years, but at least he's not wearing some really ugly hat any more and he has got any songs. much different to what drummond has. as of now i have not really been able to understood why cope's collecting old japanese rock bands for a documantation, but maybe i will be getting into this by the time i've grown lttle bit bit older...

speaking of japan, home of getting your beer from a vending machine and your throat cancer of cigarrette brands like 'peace' and 'hope' as well as to the strange habit of saying 'maybe' when you are actually tralking about 'maybe maybe, but rather not' as well as to some language bun will never manage to speak in 3 lifetimes:
hey, i got a link sent in to some trash unreal and there is an irritating japanese children series which unfortunately has not been subtitled yet.

so the only thing you will catch of the plot is a sign that apparently says "a little later" and as i have found out through heavy investigation is the title of the series translates to something like "gimme gimme octopus" - I understand that this is a rather common cry for food inna country that feeds itself on whales and even worse poor dolphins!

but after all julian cope is the godfather of all bloggers for as he started his own blog head heritage very soon after the internet had gotten accessible for the larger public.
soon after he had started referring to himself as julian or simply "the archdrude".

from then on he spent most his ressources on wrtiting the modern antiquarian, which would be the fifth best book in the world, rather than sending all his favourite bunnies including my very self postcards telling of his and his family's whereabouts - usually near some welsh stone stircle. writing this i am being reminded that i gotta contact him for an interview for Looking For Kohl soon - i think his address was somewhere on the envelope but I can't seem to find that anywhere....

if i can't find it i should contact cope over his myspace internet page but i don't think that this will work because he obviously never looks up any postings up there. and he's got the best myspace homepage i have ever seen since visiting my own myspace profile.
and take a look at that shit teardrop explodes myspacepage the owner of which gives good old rose the chance to show to the world the proper spelling of the word 'definately' and apart from m that wants her cash for a very dubious live recording.
but i am getting sleepy now and thus I'll leave you with a cool video by those loonies killing joke with another fine example of their obvious misinterpretation of lord of the flies, and it seems to be like... that most people still live in that age... and not in an age of jefferson airplane which was a better one cause it had more white rabbits in it like on the very picture right here, the link to i got through some forced delivery
go off to cornwall and try to hug a standing stone somewhere onna green field but beware of the bulls coming after you once you've hopped over the fences - and take care and watch those ley lines, will you!

yours haselore

Monday 16 November 2009

the Freeze from Boston Not UK

it only has taken me three months to redo my story about how I met up with the Freeze from Boston who toured germany in... well back in july or about that time of year.
anyways the Freeze back in the day they had a rather brilliant first record where there is all my faves on like pig hunt, nazi fun & megawaki cult and they had a good second album called rabid reaction but i never listen
the lads got me into their car and it was a case of brewtality or 'drugsforthedriver' as maggots from avon used to put it before chasing themselves around placed with barstools and puking into Wild "Johnny" Finch's stupid hat. back to the drivers - both of them got heavily loaded so I would rather not publish any of the very hot details here cause these guys - you know, they gave me something like a paid vacation regarding this trip
after I had the cool shot with myself & marcos from agrotoxico done you can see here elsewhere I dated cliff hanger of the freeze for an interview after there set and he was really friendly with me and he did introduce me to his side kick but i could not understand her name properly and i did not really ask for a second time, but I think it klarabella
the way to the interview was somehow shitty and paved with thorns and honestly i was not really sure at some given point (documented in the photograph below) if cliff was still interested to get the interview done at some point and the presence of that cow klarabella just threatened to ruin the otherwise good atmosphere - and even here on that pghotograph where he#s not talking to her it rather looks like he's doing an interview with an idiot who just saves up for some new speckies and badly needs some attention directed onto his second rate heavy rock band from sarstedt he probably made up in 6th form
unfortunately i am just getting sleepy again, so i will post the actual interview with cliff and bill and more cool details on the show later this week. means you will have to wait for those revealing details that i got informed of just by hanging around near and on the stage for long enough after the show untill I got at least bill's full attention...speaking of buddys who know how make a guitar sound really cool inna rock band, just click here for a link to Tom Lyle's old band and it's their best lineup with Jay Robbins and Pete Moffat and if you wonder why the singer looks like a madman that's because he is John Stabb and if you could actually hear the smashing opening chords of 'understand' onna video they'd basically have the same effect on you as looking at a 100 exploding lava lamps - the very same effect that this recording here of 'mad at myself' inna same cool 1988 lineup could have on yourself - just click here! ... and this time you can even hear Tom's cool guitarsound only second to pal TM's of course! but never mind talking bollocks - enjoy!

yours, haselore

Thursday 12 November 2009

der german geisterbahn

2 weeks ago my friend spidey took me out onna trip to a helloween party at der "big squat".
that's how most of my fellow englishmen call the place with the blue wall because they don't know any better - but me, well i sure do! so went in the horror mask of a german, by far the most horrible creature in recent history - if bun believes the sun and other tabloids. I do. Going out to a party dressed up as a kraut, now that's what will get you lots of newlymade friends who will cheer you up over the whole evening and buy you endless amounts of alcoholic bevarages - except for when you are a member of the royal family or the prime minister himself of course. Or an Irishman.

der sprengel used to be an old chocolate factory. in the past it has been the scene of many exciting riots including the big un in 1995 and those smaller ones in 1994,1996 and 2000 but that was long before i got here so you will have to look it up here apparently the man at the door did not recognize me in my cool mask and so i had to queue up in line like any other odd blad from the suburbs
but any other blad was alright and i had a nice chatafter what seemed like a billion hours of waiting it was my turn to take a ride on der Gesiterbahn!
I had thoughts about my own possible untimely demise....
.. and indeed i was shocked when a carcass rotting next to myself all of a sudden began to movethe trip ended with your humble editoress getting some shit injected by an unfriendly doctor - and me, I was so drugged up that on my way out I slipped on the wet floor and I hurt my ankle and had to creep to trapdoor fucking exit on all of my four paws like a bleeding worm...
and so I left that freakscene down there at der sturmglocke and moved on to do some more seriously executed investigations any where but there. I just went on for another meeting with drug revivaland look what a greaser i am and where this got me to...
in the following hours or should i rather say following minutes the drug revival got heavily loaded together with the phonogramm lot and the evening ended a bit messy. by 3:55 AM i had ended up as the main character in a cool video documentary about ale krause who had soon passed out after having layed his tracks to hard disc and thus the documantary shows him relaxing and his musicians doing what's necessary
just click here

keep your musical taste clean of all the bullshit they try to con you with out there in the great wide open - just like I do! but i am getting tired again and and will be off for now and i will be back with my piece on the freeze,
hopefully very soon, yours haselore